Caskets make great refrigerators.

Interesting week its been. I don't usually consider my life super exciting, however, there are certain instances that should be recorded, as they are quite unusual. Since I have journaled since my adolescents I should be able to write an interesting book one day. This week has brought a few good laughs and a shaking of my head... what is this life I lead?
Example: I live next to a funeral home. Correction: I live connected to a funeral home. Yes, I know what you are thinking, spooky, creepy, weird, etc. All of the above have entered my mind on more than one occasion. What you don't know is that I have access to the funeral home...through my bedroom closet. And cue the scary music.
Well after living here for over a year, I've gotten used to the idea. It doesn't really freak me out anymore. I am not a believer in ghosts or people sticking around after they die. I do occasionally get the chills thinking about spiritual warfare and the fact that demonic powers could show up at anytime, but I think that could happen no matter where I live.
Back to the story.
This week I came home on my afternoon off and went to unload a few bags of groceries. When I opened my freezer I quickly noticed the standing water/deer blood in the bottom. (Sorry for the sick visual.) Everything had completely thawed out. My refrigerator was also not cooling, leaving warm eggs and two trash bags full of throw away food. When I called my landlord he informed me that I could indeed go through the bedroom closet, into the funeral home, and use their refrigerator until he could get mine fixed. (He assured me there would not be coffins lying around.) Still, apprehension? Why yes, yes indeed. Just the idea of it kind of grosses me out. Definitely something straight out of a movie or sitcom.
After not having my refrigerator for a few days now, I have begun to notice how often I use it. I aimed tonight to make just the right amount of pasta so I wouldn't have any leftovers. (Venturing through the funeral home at night is just not something I want to make a habit of.)
Next during my week of adventures...survival day.
I went to take pictures of middle schoolers learning how to survive in the wilderness. Now, I had in my head an idea of what this would be like. I pictured several groups of kids located in a central area, building fires and wooden structures. This was the case, except for the centralized area part. Oh, and lets not forget the insane amounts of snow covering the ground right now.
Upon arrival I trekked up a hill...to find another hill. Then a fork in the path...right or left? Right. Wrong!  Found that out not quite as quickly as I'd like. Turn around...go down a hill...up a hill...around the hill. Finally find one group of kids building their shelter. They were up on the side of another hill so I opted to take pictures from afar. At this point I was already drenched in sweat. It was cold today, but not cold enough to be layered up with snow boots, leggings, jeans, coveralls, a coat, two pairs of gloves and a scarf. I kind of thought I might have a heart attack out there. I found another group of kids up on a different hill. I went down the hill I was on to find myself in what should be a creek, only to literally climb straight up the next hill. I was grabbing onto the skinniest little trees, or twigs, anything to help pull myself up. The snow in most places was probably about 2 feet deep, some higher. When I finally went to leave, I got stuck. I had attempted to find my way back to the road, and when I did, I also found the deepest snow yet. The ditch had been filled in as the roads were cleared. This is where my legs sank so low, I had snow up past my hips. I was stuck for sure. Like really stuck. There I was, both legs in, thinking, "If a car even comes past here right now I am going to be SO embarrassed." Luckily, that didn't happen. I began digging myself out with my hands...one leg at time. I did this several times before I finally made it all the way out of the snow and onto the road. Phew...I was really working up some frustration. I did survive survival day, but barely! Seriously, I had no idea what I was in for.
Again, what is this life I'm living? At least I can't say its boring.

Amidst the weirdness, some things I love this week...
curling up on the couch with countless blankets just to save on gas bills
getting worried calls from my parents because of a blizzard
watching little kids get distracted from a theater performance by a tiny little bug crawling across the floor
and last but certainly not least, watching five episodes of The Big Bang Theory in a row. Thanks Hulu.com

Stop thinking so much.

New Year's Day has come and gone. In fact, January has almost come and gone. Where does the time go? I haven't sat down to make my resolutions yet. Is it legal to start a month late? I want to make some, but haven't found the time really. I can tell you this month has flown by. I feel like I've accomplished absolutely nothing so far this year, and the dirty dishes in my sink, the emptiness of my fridge, and my overly packed trash cans will attest to that. (Maybe that's a sing that a clean house should make the list?)

The newness of 2011 has worn off. I have officially hit my mid-winter laziness spell, wanting to do nothing and go absolutely nowhere. When the temperature gets below zero, which happens WAY too often around here, I simply want to hibernate. I need to snap out of this funk I'm in, and stat!

I did finally take down my Christmas tree, yes! I know...it's almost February. I undecorated it a couple weeks ago, but lacked the motivation to take it down and put it in the box. I actually re-decorated it in a way, I hung up the custom-made ornament my cutesy little niece gave me for Christmas after the tree was bare. I didn't want it to get broken or lost, and needed a place for safe-keeping until I got out the box again. It was the star of the show for the last two weeks.

My house is now as it was before Christmas, just cold.  I have avoided being here almost every night, something I desperately need to change. I hate sitting here though, knowing I could be surrounded by people. Even if it's just two people, that's better than being alone. Its weird to say, but I think I can't be alone with myself. Not for any reason you would need to worry about, but because we aren't meant to be alone. Growing up in house full of people sure did ruin me for the single life. I find myself turning on the TV or my iTunes just so I don't have to listen to myself think. Oh, don't worry, there is still plenty of thinking going on...it's just not so loud.

When I focus on how my life is going, I can't help but think of how things could have been different. What choices did I make that got me here, in little northeast Iowa? What would have been different had I chosen a different college, or maybe a different career? I don't know if this is wishful thinking, but more dreaming perhaps. I don't want to be a dream killer, but at the same time, I'm not really sure how healthy it is for me to dream these days. I find it depressing, rather than hopeful. I know things will not and cannot change by my own power. I have bills...lots of bills, and responsibilities. The thought of up and selling all my stuff to go care for orphans in Africa is often among the dreams. Is this something I could ever realistically do? Or are these just things that will eventually leave my thoughts.

I have been thinking so much about "God's will for my life." I think before I always thought one needed to be "called" to go on mission trips or enter ministry. My view has changed. We have already been called. Jesus already told us to "go and make disciples of all nations." So what is stopping me? Is it money? yes. Is it fear? yes. Fear of failure, fear of the unknown and definitely fear of giving up something that is working and trading it for something that might not. I have been struggling a lot with what it truly looks like, in today's society, to follow God whole hearted. Does he really still want us to sell all of our belongings and follow him?  So many things have been bouncing around in my head. I am feeling more and more like my life is dust in the wind. How will I spend it and can I make the least bit of a difference on eternity?

In the midst of inner turmoil and outward grumpiness...these are some things that are getting me through.
1. The sleeping dog laying on my legs right now...snoring!
2. A warm fire with great friends, you are my crutch.
3. Mountain dew, mountain dew and mountain dew. Oh how I need to quit you.

Happy New Year!

My latest column. I'll definitely be writing more about the new year later this weekend. But for now, this will have to be good enough.

http://www.newspapersoffayettecounty.com/articles/2011/01/05/news/opinion/doc4d2235b41036e748285380.txt