How do you know?

How do you know if you are where you are supposed to be? Not just geographically, but in all aspects of your life. From conception through birth, toddler years and beyond, there are all sorts of books that describe what should be happening when. At every stage of pregnancy a woman can read about how big her baby is, and what characteristics its developing. As kids grow, speech should come at a certain time, walking, learning colors and the alphabet. We know about growth and maturity too. But how are we supposed to know once we get passed all that?
I have been struggling a lot lately with this question. After you are done growing physically, once you graduate from high school, and even college, is what comes next what defines who you become? I sometimes wonder if I had chosen a different college, where would I be today. What about a different career path? Is this what God wants for me? Am I serving out his will for my life?
I hate that thought. God's will. I know his commandments are to love him, and to love others. I also believe he can outright tell you to pick up and move. He can say, "Jessica, you are moving to a tiny town in northeast Iowa." I know he can do that. I also believe, however, that sometimes we get too focused on waiting for God to tell us where to go. We can serve him no matter where on earth we live. I think for most people, God doesn't give a specific command on where to go.
So what do you do when you meet a crossroad? I know God can do a work in me here. I know he could do a work in me anywhere. So when given a choice, if God doesn't speak, do we just choose what we want?
What about when it comes to marriage? I am 24 years old, and surrounded by pregnant people and married couples. I have a few single friends, most of which I do not see or talk to on a regular basis. People always say God is always on time. That I can't mess up his plan. But do I believe that God has one specific person for me? I can't help but wonder if who we marry, depends at least partly on where we choose to spend our life. If I had gone to a different college, or moved to a different city to begin my career, would I be married by now? Or would things be the same?
While my desires to serve God and know where I belong continue to overwhelm my thoughts and emotions on a daily basis, I am desperately praying for direction and confirmation that God really does have this all planned perfectly. I know as the creator of the universe, he absolutely could, but with so many other things to worry about, is my marital status and job really something he has in hands, or is it something that I control. If I have not been directly told to stay single, or to marry a specific person, or to move here and take this job, then is he simply calling me to choose where I want to be, and follow his commandments in the mean time? Can I be in control of these things and it be his "will" for my life?
If I had the answers, I wouldn't have written this post. Hopefully God reveals some major answers, and stat! Hopefully I'm not the only who doesn't have it all figured out.

Keeping me sane when I'm not focused on confusion...
*Burger Barn with a large crowd
*Hearing a 2-year-old brag about the large poop that came out of her bottom (her words!)
*A great talk while burning a few calories with a good friend
*Finally!!!! seeing the lightning bugs make their debut for the summer!

Who do you think you are?

Storms ripped through parts of Missouri again today. All of this severe weather is stressing me out and I'm not even in it! I've spent several hours searching through websites, watching videos and looking at pictures. I can't stop! Its like a train wreck, you want to look away, but you just can't. Not sure its good for me though, my emotions got the better of me today.  I saw a posting that a tornado had touched down in Sedalia, Mo. For those of you who don't know, my hometown in not too far from there, close enough that its scary to think about! I proceeded to check into the weather at home, on my screen I saw 13 tornado warnings issued in just one hour for several parts of the state. That's when I lost it. There I was sitting at my desk just crying. I tried to stop several times thinking how weird I would look had a co-worker stumbled upon my office. (I don't have a door, so I couldn't really hide!)
I choked back my tears as I called my parent's house to make sure everything was o.k. I should have known better then to be too worried. My mom of course had my nieces huddled in the bathroom safe and sound. I could hear my niece Jillian ask for some batteries. She had previously said she needed to go potty, and my mom and I were confused on why she would need batteries for that. Not sure we ever got to the bottom of that one.
I later talked to my dad who had pulled over to find a safe place after being a little too-close-for-comfort to the effected area. He found his way to a church basement along with a group of people who had just attended a funeral. He proceeded to tell me how he had a good ole time hanging out with the older ladies joking about how they could have had a quilt made in the hour and a half they were hidden away.
After work I called my brother Jeremy. He hadn't responded to my text message asking if he was safe in a basement somewhere. He of course, was not. Working like a crazy person as usual. I tried to get across my disapproval of him continuing to work when the sirens are going off. He is one of those un-teachables.
My worry subsided  though, as I realized that I am NOT in control. That is such a hard concept to get across to us women. The sound of my nieces voice, the ridiculous ramblings of my dad, and the attitude that is my brother, those are the great joys in life. Its weird to think that all my worries could be taken away by such simple things. Thankful am I that I am not in control, who knows where we'd be if I were. All I have to say about my emotional day is that God's totally got this. Who was I to doubt?

A few things I'm loving this week....
*Looking up baby names for a pregnant friend only to get some incredibly stupid comments. "Naomi? Imoan spelled backwards? Come on Jess!"
*Having an emotional breakdown for no reason. More than once I might add.
*Locating a wet spot on the concrete driveway thinking the 4-year-old got out the water hose, then finding out that was where he decided to go pee.

My heart goes out

http://www.weather.com/outlook/videos/raw-deadly-tornado-caught-on-camera-20712?from=video_email

The devastation of it all. So far confimed at 116 dead and over 1,150 injured! I can't even fathom what this must feel like. I scanned the Joplin Globe's website, viewing comment after comment from people desperate to find their loved ones. I couldn't help but cry as I'm sure most others would. A mile wide tornado, more severe storms throughout today and the rest of this week. We spend so much time gathering stuff and in an instance it can all be wiped out. A reality check for what matters in life.Hug your family, friends and neighbors, thank God they are still here and that you are too. This is a great reminder that I can't be afraid to share my faith and let people know there is a God who loves them and wants to spend eternity with them. While I'm don't think I know anyone who has lost their life in the Joplin tornadoes, knowing people who live there alone is enough to really hit home. Praying for the victims and the workers. Trying to figure out what I can do to help!

We're still here. Now what?

It's the end of the world as we know it! (Or not.) Today was predicted to be the rapture. I don't know why people even try to predict that, considering the Bible says no one knows when it will come, not even the Son. "It will come like a thief in the night."
While I wasn't involved in many conversations about the rapture coming today, I was in a few, some with Christians, some without. It really got me thinking about how we should always be expecting the Lord to come back. We are supposed to be prepared. In Francis Chan's book Crazy Love, he talks of a lady, Grandma Clara, who while watching a play or movie or something says she wouldn't really like to be there if Jesus came back in that moment. What a crazy realization. We don't know when Jesus will come back, so we should never being anything we would be ashamed of just in case.
Tonight when the clock struck 6 p.m., I was chatting with good friends, celebrating an academic milestone for a kid in our church youth group. Although I wasn't praying, singing or reading my Bible, I think God would approve of my conversations and the joy I had in sharing time with his sons and daughters. In all things we can praise God. That is definitely something I need to be reminded of from time to time. So often I think we beat ourselves up about our lack of commitment to reading or praying. Yes, God does desire those things from us. However, he delights in our joy and gave us friends and family for a reason. 
Aside from being reminded of that little tidbit today, I have also been challenged a lot lately with patience. I must have asked for patience somewhere along the line and now I'm really getting a lesson in it. I am continually being put in situations where those around me are joyful over things I want, things I desire. It is not a secret that I long to be married, that I long to have kids. In moving here I thought surely those things would quickly come my way. Instead, they have come to everyone else around me. A couple of weeks ago I counted 17 people that I know who are pregnant, a few days later I found out there were more. Wow! That is a lot of pregnant women!
While my heart rejoices for the new life and knows these men and women will make great parents, I hate myself for being jealous. I don't want to be that way. I am not jealous as in I want to take the opportunity away from those who have it, but just that I'm sad it isn't me yet. I know I have plenty of time. I know I will eventually find someone. I know I can be perfectly happy in this stage in my life. I know I should enjoy this time. I know all of the things so many people insist on telling me as if I haven't heard them before. I know. I know. I know.
I am not looking for sympathy, a condescending or empathetic look or comment here. I am simply sharing where I'm at. I can't continue to hide the fact that I feel this. I know God put these desires in my heart and I hope that someday soon he will allow me to experience them. If not, then I know he will give me new desires. In the mean time, I am just waiting....buried under a ton of laundry and a lot of dishes!

Keeping me going this week...
The sleeping pup next me who insists on putting her head on my keyboard
Playing Mafia with awesome friends
The thunder rumbling outside my window
Sitting out by the fire roasting smores
And knowing that although I didn't meet Jesus face to face today, I will eventually!

Snow in April.

Today I woke up to snow. Yes, you read that correctly, s-n-o-w! It's the middle of April for God's sake. Snow on the ground, and snow in the air, still coming down. The last few days have been getting chilly and have been filled with roaring winds. This week hasn't been the great week I'd hoped it would be, but today just takes the cake. I do know, however, that whether or not this snow was put here just me, it has served as a great reminder this morning.
Click the link to this video. It was narrated by Heather Gilion. Her family attended my church growing up and her and her older sister Holly recently wrote a book about their own heartaches and sorrows as the Lord chose to take both of their husbands and father all in the same year. Knowing her story makes this video even more special. For me, the video has replayed over and over in my head over the past couple weeks. Watch, and then I'll explain.

http://vimeo.com/20286907

Even though there will be wintry seasons, or even just days, God is always going to make things new.
This week has been one of running around and working too many hours. In the midst of the craziness I found time last night to finally relax. Instead of enjoying myself though, my mind was filled with all the things I don't have, what season of life I'm not in, and how I'm never going to get there.
"Life's like an hour glass glued to the table," lyrics I'm sure you've all heard. I have one of those hour glass timers sitting on my coffee table. Most days I don't even turn it over. It just sits there, all the sand just resting at the bottom. I felt like that sand last night. Not that my time has all run out, but that here I am, just sitting, waiting for God to pick me up and let my life start. When do you feel like your life has really begun? I guess it's different for everyone. It probably depends on what your passions are, what your desires are out of life. Right now I don't feel like my life is going anywhere. I watch as others experience great joys and adventures, and I am jealous. I don't want to be like this. I want to know that I am where I should be and that my life does matter. That every part of my life matters. I'm sure eventually I will see that this part of my life was necessary for the big picture.
I have mixed views of life, I sometimes focus too much on the big picture, and find myself longing for a new day in a new place with a new life. Other times I focus too much on the here and now and find myself depressed at what that means.
When I was writing in my journal this morning I went to the page and found four pages of random writings from back in November. I skipped over them briefly to finish the thoughts of the day. I turned back and began reading. I often read back a ways just to see how far I've come or to make fun of the childish thoughts I once had. Today was not what I expected though. The words written, two pages in poem form and one in a letter of ramblings, left me feeling small and kind of ashamed. The feelings expressed were exactly what I had felt last night and even as I awoke this morning. Have I not grown at all in the last five months? Am I seriously still obsessing over the same issues and focusing on the things I do not have? I am. I am sad to say that I am. How do you move forward? How do you get over things that have been a part of your thought process or dreams for so long?
The snow this morning reminded me of what I already knew and forgot. Winter can show up at any time, storms can crash your picnic and hail will dent your car, but there is always a new day. Last night I thought about that as I washed away my sorrows with the Disney Channel (no making fun, those shows are so korny they always provide a good laugh), "tomorrow is a new day," and I woke up to snow. This new day was not a new one, but a re-run of an old one. A re-run of the past. Note: Another reminder, the new day may not always be better than yesterday, but there is always tomorrow, and God makes all things new, we just have to ask sometimes.

James 1:2-6
Count it all joy my brothers when you endure trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. Perservearance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault. But let him ask in faith without doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.

Renewed!

Hello World! A burst of energy hit me last weekend. A renewed strength came after a women's retreat to Village Creek Bible Camp. The weather was amazing for the first time since November and time seemed to stop as I found myself relaxing on a porch swing in the sun with two great friends. Later more friends joined as we lay blankets out on the grass and bathed in the warmth of the afternoon sun. An amazing moment of peace and joy.

I've had a lot of moments like that in the last week or so. The warm air has brought big smiles as I breathe in the subtle hint of summer. Storms are my favorite, and although they have yet to arrive in this part of the state, I am enjoying the high winds that howl through my screens and knock my shades against the window pane. Unfortunately a lack of windows in my bedroom keeps me from falling asleep to the cool breeze like I've managed to do all my life. I may sleep out on my couch one of these nights just to taste the memories.

Winter is gone and spring has arrived. I think I may have gotten my first sunburn today. I spent time once again on a blanket in the sun. I think my freckles have begun to pop, a trait my mom loves and I once despised. Summer is my favorite season and always has been. I could sit in the sun all day long if I were allowed. I can remember spending two weeks of the summer at my grandma's house. She had a pool at one house, and later moved to a lake. I get my sun-loving nature from her I guess. In her upper 70s and she still ventures down the back hill to the dock and makes her way in the water for a little exercise. I'm not sure I've ever seen my grandpa swim now that I think about it. A boat and fishing pole is all he needs for pleasure.

My other grandparents always had adventures right in their back yard. Tamed turkeys, chicken eggs for collecting and all the hiding spots a kid could want. I miss the days of searching out treasures under tarps and in sheds. My grandpa Duren is quite the character in his overalls and worn out Popeye t-shirts. My grandma was lovely too, making the best red velvet cake to match the many red heads running around the house.

Childhood is something we long to get over, and when we actually reach adulthood, we're screaming and kicking to turn back the clock. When I am outside, whether on hot summer days by the lake or breezy nights by the bonfire, childhood doesn't seem so far away. There are still fireflies and a sky so big. The stars are still a mystery to me as they shine bright, twinkle, and scatter across the big dark canvas God has created. Needless to say, I am over my winter blues and am back to my old self. Clean, renewed, restrengthened and really, really excited for what is in store.

Things I'm loving this week...
1. My new haircut. ( I don't to locks of love and chopped my hair off for the first time since 2006!)
2. Bbq's! the smell of grill should seriously be a cologne for men.
3. Being reminded that God is great and he sees me. Despite all that I am, he still loves me and makes all things new!

I forgot!

So I forgot, I had a birthday a couple weeks ago. The big 2-4! I am now officially in my mid-twenties. I went home, had a great time with family and Kelli Shaddox (a.k.a. preggers!). Loved listening to the crazy kids, eating momma Duren's cooking and reminiscing my shop-a-holic days. Can't wait til my older sis comes home (also preggers! something has got to be in the water!) and brings my cutie niece Kiah. Salute to my brother-in-law who will be serving our country in Afghanistan starting the end of April. More to come on all of this I'm sure. I don't mean to complain about my life. I know I am so very blessed! Its just easy to forget sometimes when I spend so much time focused on me.

The mundane

I feel like the creativity has been drained out of my mind. Seriously, whose brilliant idea was it to write papers for a living? Oh goodness, that was me!
Sorry I haven't written in a super long time. I have literally been drowning in work. Even when its not actual work, the thought of work and writing is constantly on my mind. I have started about 10 blogs over the last three weeks, with great intentions to publish them. Then somewhere after the third paragraph I can't think anymore.
My brother told me when I first started this blog that I don't have to be all fancy with it. That I should just write about my days and let everyone know what's going on in my life. Unfortunately, that's as good as its going to get today. So here goes it....
It is Friday night! Thank you Jesus! This week, and the subsequent three or four weeks have all flown by at lightning speed. The days seem long, but the weeks seem short. I am constantly on the go and am in need of a vacation stat! I am afraid to slow down though, for fear I will realize the craziness that is my life. If I keep busy then I don't have to think about all the things I don't want to think about. At night I have actually been falling asleep fairly quickly. That is pretty rare for me. Since my sophomore year of college it has taken me a good hour or more to fall asleep once I'm in my bed. I think my body is actually getting worn out from early mornings and late nights. (Its the age thing kicking in. lol.) This is good though because before that was my time to sort out all my thoughts. These days my thoughts aren't worth sorting.
I miss a lot of my friends. I have decided I am a bad friend because I don't make much time to call and check up on people. I don't get time off to take road trips to see those I've been missing. And I don't even take the time to say "hey" on a Facebook wall anymore. Sorry guys! I really do love and miss you. I just suck at life sometimes and unfortunately, this is another one of those times.
I am itching!!!! for Spring. I know it is technically here, but when there is still snow in the forecast, winter hasn't left yet. I refuse to get my hopes up of warmer weather, sun tans and flip flops. I long for the days of late night sand volleyball and bbq's. There I go, getting all excited about things that can't happen for at least another month or so. Ahh! Won't this winter ever end??
My pup is still growing. She's not too big, still looks like a puppy. Which is great because I'm not sure how much I could love a big dog. That may sound horrible, but I don't really like animals to begin with. Me getting a dog was a strange thing in the first place. I do like Charlotte, a lot. She has become a fixture in my life that I'm glad is there. Now if only we could stop the licking, snoring, farting and shedding. Hmm..maybe I'm not supposed to get married after all. Aren't those all characteristics of a man??
O.K. I'd say that is about all I've got for now. Northeast Iowa is starting to wear on me. I love the people, hate the weather, and am busier than all get out. I don't allow myself to think anymore. Subsequently, my creativity is seriously lacking. Sorry you get the brunt of it. Maybe I'll take some time this weekend to relax and get back at it next week. Until then, salutations friends! May your lives be less hectic than mine, and may the sun shine on your face soon.

Single's Awareness Day

My latest column. For some reason it sounds more depressing than it was supposed to. I was however, the only one at work who got flowers....from my sweet daddy! Thanks for making me feel like a princess papa bear!http://www.newspapersoffayettecounty.com/articles/2011/02/16/news/opinion/doc4d5aa312e0e60770457509.txt

Don't waste it.

A phone call this weekend reminded me how short life can be. One minute you are perfectly healthy, and the next...
So often we forget the miracle of each day. Today I thought nothing of getting out of bed. I didn't stop to thank God I woke up. I don't ever do that.
While life happens, don't forget to do somthing that will last. Hug your spouse, kids, parents, and friends.  Give them the love you hope will last, even when you won't.
Recently I was also reminded that fame never lasts. As much as we strive to be the best in our field, make the most money, have the greatest influence, in generations to come, chances are our name won't sound familiar. Its crazy to think about how little impact we have on the world. In the small amount of time we spend on this earth, why would we ever think that its all about us? When did I start believing that lie?
My question is this, who are you living for? Since none of us is eternal, why live for what cannot last? Only one name will remain throughout time, only one.
As you go throughout this week be reminded that you are but a vapor. Live for something more than yourself. Live so that God shines through, even when you are gone. Leave a lasting legacy, bringing glory to His name.

Caskets make great refrigerators.

Interesting week its been. I don't usually consider my life super exciting, however, there are certain instances that should be recorded, as they are quite unusual. Since I have journaled since my adolescents I should be able to write an interesting book one day. This week has brought a few good laughs and a shaking of my head... what is this life I lead?
Example: I live next to a funeral home. Correction: I live connected to a funeral home. Yes, I know what you are thinking, spooky, creepy, weird, etc. All of the above have entered my mind on more than one occasion. What you don't know is that I have access to the funeral home...through my bedroom closet. And cue the scary music.
Well after living here for over a year, I've gotten used to the idea. It doesn't really freak me out anymore. I am not a believer in ghosts or people sticking around after they die. I do occasionally get the chills thinking about spiritual warfare and the fact that demonic powers could show up at anytime, but I think that could happen no matter where I live.
Back to the story.
This week I came home on my afternoon off and went to unload a few bags of groceries. When I opened my freezer I quickly noticed the standing water/deer blood in the bottom. (Sorry for the sick visual.) Everything had completely thawed out. My refrigerator was also not cooling, leaving warm eggs and two trash bags full of throw away food. When I called my landlord he informed me that I could indeed go through the bedroom closet, into the funeral home, and use their refrigerator until he could get mine fixed. (He assured me there would not be coffins lying around.) Still, apprehension? Why yes, yes indeed. Just the idea of it kind of grosses me out. Definitely something straight out of a movie or sitcom.
After not having my refrigerator for a few days now, I have begun to notice how often I use it. I aimed tonight to make just the right amount of pasta so I wouldn't have any leftovers. (Venturing through the funeral home at night is just not something I want to make a habit of.)
Next during my week of adventures...survival day.
I went to take pictures of middle schoolers learning how to survive in the wilderness. Now, I had in my head an idea of what this would be like. I pictured several groups of kids located in a central area, building fires and wooden structures. This was the case, except for the centralized area part. Oh, and lets not forget the insane amounts of snow covering the ground right now.
Upon arrival I trekked up a hill...to find another hill. Then a fork in the path...right or left? Right. Wrong!  Found that out not quite as quickly as I'd like. Turn around...go down a hill...up a hill...around the hill. Finally find one group of kids building their shelter. They were up on the side of another hill so I opted to take pictures from afar. At this point I was already drenched in sweat. It was cold today, but not cold enough to be layered up with snow boots, leggings, jeans, coveralls, a coat, two pairs of gloves and a scarf. I kind of thought I might have a heart attack out there. I found another group of kids up on a different hill. I went down the hill I was on to find myself in what should be a creek, only to literally climb straight up the next hill. I was grabbing onto the skinniest little trees, or twigs, anything to help pull myself up. The snow in most places was probably about 2 feet deep, some higher. When I finally went to leave, I got stuck. I had attempted to find my way back to the road, and when I did, I also found the deepest snow yet. The ditch had been filled in as the roads were cleared. This is where my legs sank so low, I had snow up past my hips. I was stuck for sure. Like really stuck. There I was, both legs in, thinking, "If a car even comes past here right now I am going to be SO embarrassed." Luckily, that didn't happen. I began digging myself out with my hands...one leg at time. I did this several times before I finally made it all the way out of the snow and onto the road. Phew...I was really working up some frustration. I did survive survival day, but barely! Seriously, I had no idea what I was in for.
Again, what is this life I'm living? At least I can't say its boring.

Amidst the weirdness, some things I love this week...
curling up on the couch with countless blankets just to save on gas bills
getting worried calls from my parents because of a blizzard
watching little kids get distracted from a theater performance by a tiny little bug crawling across the floor
and last but certainly not least, watching five episodes of The Big Bang Theory in a row. Thanks Hulu.com

Stop thinking so much.

New Year's Day has come and gone. In fact, January has almost come and gone. Where does the time go? I haven't sat down to make my resolutions yet. Is it legal to start a month late? I want to make some, but haven't found the time really. I can tell you this month has flown by. I feel like I've accomplished absolutely nothing so far this year, and the dirty dishes in my sink, the emptiness of my fridge, and my overly packed trash cans will attest to that. (Maybe that's a sing that a clean house should make the list?)

The newness of 2011 has worn off. I have officially hit my mid-winter laziness spell, wanting to do nothing and go absolutely nowhere. When the temperature gets below zero, which happens WAY too often around here, I simply want to hibernate. I need to snap out of this funk I'm in, and stat!

I did finally take down my Christmas tree, yes! I know...it's almost February. I undecorated it a couple weeks ago, but lacked the motivation to take it down and put it in the box. I actually re-decorated it in a way, I hung up the custom-made ornament my cutesy little niece gave me for Christmas after the tree was bare. I didn't want it to get broken or lost, and needed a place for safe-keeping until I got out the box again. It was the star of the show for the last two weeks.

My house is now as it was before Christmas, just cold.  I have avoided being here almost every night, something I desperately need to change. I hate sitting here though, knowing I could be surrounded by people. Even if it's just two people, that's better than being alone. Its weird to say, but I think I can't be alone with myself. Not for any reason you would need to worry about, but because we aren't meant to be alone. Growing up in house full of people sure did ruin me for the single life. I find myself turning on the TV or my iTunes just so I don't have to listen to myself think. Oh, don't worry, there is still plenty of thinking going on...it's just not so loud.

When I focus on how my life is going, I can't help but think of how things could have been different. What choices did I make that got me here, in little northeast Iowa? What would have been different had I chosen a different college, or maybe a different career? I don't know if this is wishful thinking, but more dreaming perhaps. I don't want to be a dream killer, but at the same time, I'm not really sure how healthy it is for me to dream these days. I find it depressing, rather than hopeful. I know things will not and cannot change by my own power. I have bills...lots of bills, and responsibilities. The thought of up and selling all my stuff to go care for orphans in Africa is often among the dreams. Is this something I could ever realistically do? Or are these just things that will eventually leave my thoughts.

I have been thinking so much about "God's will for my life." I think before I always thought one needed to be "called" to go on mission trips or enter ministry. My view has changed. We have already been called. Jesus already told us to "go and make disciples of all nations." So what is stopping me? Is it money? yes. Is it fear? yes. Fear of failure, fear of the unknown and definitely fear of giving up something that is working and trading it for something that might not. I have been struggling a lot with what it truly looks like, in today's society, to follow God whole hearted. Does he really still want us to sell all of our belongings and follow him?  So many things have been bouncing around in my head. I am feeling more and more like my life is dust in the wind. How will I spend it and can I make the least bit of a difference on eternity?

In the midst of inner turmoil and outward grumpiness...these are some things that are getting me through.
1. The sleeping dog laying on my legs right now...snoring!
2. A warm fire with great friends, you are my crutch.
3. Mountain dew, mountain dew and mountain dew. Oh how I need to quit you.

Happy New Year!

My latest column. I'll definitely be writing more about the new year later this weekend. But for now, this will have to be good enough.

http://www.newspapersoffayettecounty.com/articles/2011/01/05/news/opinion/doc4d2235b41036e748285380.txt