Anxiety say what?

Usually I fall asleep on Monday nights spouting off the list of things I need to remember for Tuesday morning. With Monday night meetings almost every week, I find myself forming my lead as I nod off. Then as I wake up, I continue the list and refresh my memory on where my story needs to end up and sort of bullet the highlights as I drag my butt out of bed. This morning was no different.

Waking up slightly later than anticipated, I did as I always do, shut off the three alarms, lay there for another five or so minutes until I am down to the wire. Turn on the hair straightener, then the light, go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I usually take a break in my thought process to decide what to wear, and go right back to the work mentality. Since we go to print on Tuesday mornings, an extra stressful few hours always await. Today, again, was no different.

As the day panned out, several events made my head spin with uncertainty. My last post mentioned how I thought maybe I was just supposed to stay here for a while longer. Since that post last week, I have questioned that more than ever. The more days that go by, the more I pray for direction. I cannot go into detail of what has made me question my life here in northeast Iowa, but I can say that I have never thought so much in one day.

Being a sort of worry wart, I can honestly say today was not filled with worry, as I know what that looks like, but rather of thoughtful thinking. (If that makes any sense.) Playing scenarios of good and bad over and over, trying to pin point the best reaction. What would be the best-case scenario, and the worst? What would I do in regards to friends, family, church, bills, debts, overall happiness? To stay or not to stay, that is the question. I literally had to take a nap to stop thinking this afternoon.

And so without much detail, I ask for prayers for guidance, for opening and closing doors, and courage to not worry what the future will bring. I am excited, scared, nervous, confused, hopeful and sad, all at the same time. How do you balance that? I know how I do, I cry, as I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve most of the time. But today, the tears did not come until just a few minutes before I began writing this. It took me all day to stew over the options before the thoughts became too much and finally connected with my emotions. I will wait for answers and for questions to clear. Until then, life will go on and my laundry will continue to pile up.

To keep me living and laughing through the craziness....a few things I'm loving this week:
Discovering strawberry jelly can go moldy.
Tuesday afternoon naps.
Holding on to a hope that drives you crazy on a daily basis.
Being connected with great music through a friend who is apparently trying to and I quote, "wean me from the country music." Check out free downloads by searching Happy Birthday Denison Whitmer.
Emptying the piggy bank to buy a loaf of bread.
Watching my nieces "oreo commercial" over and over again.
And not knowing what tomorrow will bring.

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29.