Anxiety say what?

Usually I fall asleep on Monday nights spouting off the list of things I need to remember for Tuesday morning. With Monday night meetings almost every week, I find myself forming my lead as I nod off. Then as I wake up, I continue the list and refresh my memory on where my story needs to end up and sort of bullet the highlights as I drag my butt out of bed. This morning was no different.

Waking up slightly later than anticipated, I did as I always do, shut off the three alarms, lay there for another five or so minutes until I am down to the wire. Turn on the hair straightener, then the light, go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I usually take a break in my thought process to decide what to wear, and go right back to the work mentality. Since we go to print on Tuesday mornings, an extra stressful few hours always await. Today, again, was no different.

As the day panned out, several events made my head spin with uncertainty. My last post mentioned how I thought maybe I was just supposed to stay here for a while longer. Since that post last week, I have questioned that more than ever. The more days that go by, the more I pray for direction. I cannot go into detail of what has made me question my life here in northeast Iowa, but I can say that I have never thought so much in one day.

Being a sort of worry wart, I can honestly say today was not filled with worry, as I know what that looks like, but rather of thoughtful thinking. (If that makes any sense.) Playing scenarios of good and bad over and over, trying to pin point the best reaction. What would be the best-case scenario, and the worst? What would I do in regards to friends, family, church, bills, debts, overall happiness? To stay or not to stay, that is the question. I literally had to take a nap to stop thinking this afternoon.

And so without much detail, I ask for prayers for guidance, for opening and closing doors, and courage to not worry what the future will bring. I am excited, scared, nervous, confused, hopeful and sad, all at the same time. How do you balance that? I know how I do, I cry, as I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve most of the time. But today, the tears did not come until just a few minutes before I began writing this. It took me all day to stew over the options before the thoughts became too much and finally connected with my emotions. I will wait for answers and for questions to clear. Until then, life will go on and my laundry will continue to pile up.

To keep me living and laughing through the craziness....a few things I'm loving this week:
Discovering strawberry jelly can go moldy.
Tuesday afternoon naps.
Holding on to a hope that drives you crazy on a daily basis.
Being connected with great music through a friend who is apparently trying to and I quote, "wean me from the country music." Check out free downloads by searching Happy Birthday Denison Whitmer.
Emptying the piggy bank to buy a loaf of bread.
Watching my nieces "oreo commercial" over and over again.
And not knowing what tomorrow will bring.

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29.

It's a crazy life

These last few weeks have just been a complete whirlwind. So many things have happened, most of them completely unimportant, but nonetheless eventful. I feel as though I have been go, go, going non stop for so long, that I was eventually going to crash. Well, when events for this weekend didn't play out like I thought, I was slightly disappointed, but all together relieved. Instead of the breakdown, I can unwind and reboot.

Just to give you a glimpse into this past week, I have worked every day, (that's normal), covered a 3 hour and 40 minute city council meeting, did my second pampered chef show that was an over an hour away, took my first guitar lesson, helped at our awana fair (where a guy from my church ended the evening with a heart attack), went to my first choir practice, took on double my responsibilities as the other news reporter at work quit without notice, by email no less, and spent some time with one of our youth girls. To wind down the week, I spent the evening gathered around a campfire enjoying the warmth against the crisp fall breeze.

I cannot tell you how glad I am this week is over. I feel like I haven't even had time to think these last few days. I haven't processed all that has happened, I haven't returned phone calls or even email from friends who I am desperate to talk to. I have not kept up any of my usual readings, and maybe worst of all... I missed the season premiere of Glee. Eek! (Don't worry, I watched it on hulu earlier this evening.)  Needing a minute to myself is kind of an understatement so as for now, I am cuddled up on my love seat with an amaretto sour watching the food network. The perfect ending to a crazy week.

Although I often long for a companion, it is week's like this that I realize I am probably right where God wants me, for now. I have spent almost the whole last year wondering how long I have to stay in these fields of opportunities as they are called. When I think it's my time to leave, something happens that tells me to quit getting any big ideas. But what if that's not what God is telling me? What if he's just trying to tell me that my idea of a big idea, needs to change? What if my big ideas need to involve this community, and this group of friends he has placed me in? Instead of dreading my days, I have admittedly begun to enjoy them. Now that's not an everyday occasion, but recently its more often than not. I am so thankful for the people that God has put in my life. They are taking great care of me in Idaho (o.k., I'm actually in Iowa, but a few of you might get that joke.)

Basically what I'm saying is although I have had some crazy days, I still think it's absolutely crazy that I have already worn my winter gloves in September, and that people call all sorts of cookies "bars" and sloppy joes, maidrites, I am warming up to the heartland of America. Now if only they could get some nice single Christian men, then maybe I'd start planning for the long term. Until then...yep, you guessed it, life and laundry, oh so much laundry.

And as for the guy with the heart attack...things are not looking good. So please keep Jon Schaer and his family in your prayers.

busy life

So lately I have been oh so busy. I haven't spent an evening at home for almost two weeks, thus I have not written. I do find comfort in knowing my busy schedule means I have a life, or so it appears. I find myself on a Friday night, by myself, at home. And you know what, I am so o.k. with that. After the week I've had, I am loving doing nothing, curling up on the couch watching Golden Girls. Yes, you read that right. I can't help but love those crazy old ladies.
Anyway, this week was quite the adventure. I held my first pampered chef show, my grand opening, on Tuesday night. It was pretty stressful and I did not do as well as I hoped. I fumbled over words and couldn't for the life of me remember what some of the tools were called. Needless to say, I will be practicing a little more before my next show.
Also this week, Cubbies. I was nicknamed Ms. Crazy by one of the kids. I guess he forgot my  name or something. I'll take that though.
I feel like I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off lately. I did however, enjoy an awesome weekend at home last week. I took my nieces lunch at school, the same elementary I attended. It was so weird being back in the cafeteria, sitting at the tables and listening to the teachers say and do the same things. Why do they think turning off the lights will make the children quiet. I have never understood this tactic. My niece Natalie basically broke my heart during lunch, but in a good way. She asked if I could be her show and share. How stinkin cute is that? I was honored! And saddened all at once. I will probably never be around during the school day to be her show and share. She said my job was cool because I get to go around to lots of places and then put it in the newspaper. I'm glad I can at least impress a 6 year old. 
I got to spend some much-needed time with my family and good friend Kelli, while catering my first best friend's wedding. It's hard to believe it was so many years ago when we were making home-made play dough and dressing up like beauty queens. I am so glad I was able to go home for her big day. It was a beautiful wedding, and so Kristin, nothing seemed out of place for her.
I spent Saturday evening with the fam. Reading books and swinging with munchkins was just what the doctor ordered. I especially liked reading books with the six month old, and three other toddlers on my lap. After everyone left for the night I took some time for myself. I layed out on a yard swing just looking at the stars. It was a perfectly clear night with stars shining bright. A great reminder of who is in control and how small I am in comparison. I could use more weekends like my last. Tonight I will take though, as it is. Relaxing in my own living room, clearing my mind of the past weeks worries. Until next time, I'll be here, stuck somewhere between life and laundry.

As the leaves begin to fall

It began to feel a lot like fall today. With just a couple of semi-chilly days a week or two ago, I noticed the neighbor's trees have already begun to turn colors. As I walk to work each morning it is impossible not to notice the growing number of leaves that twirl around my feet as they are carried in the brisk winds. Today was particularly alarming for me. Don't get me wrong, I love a cute cardigan and pair of leggings like most fashionable females. I am just not prepared for what comes next.
Call me a wimp, a southerner, whatever, I am NOT a big or even slight fan of the winter months. Last winter was quite the shock to my system when I was walking to work in negative temperatures and snow up to my thighs. Eek! Just the mere thought of having to get all bundled up just to walk outside and instantly feel my buggers freeze up. (sorry if this is gross, but its the truth and you know it!) I'm afraid the downward spiral into four months of temperatures and precipitation that can really only be described as ridiculous is well on its way.
Has anyone else noticed that everyone has an opinion on how bad winter will be? It cracks me up because I have probably heard from at least 10 people already mixed views on the severity of the next few months. Instead of trying to predict the weather, I like to use the "shock" test. I rarely ever check the weather before getting dressed and venturing out into the elements. Today I had a rude awakening as I walked outside in my open-toed sandals and light, short-sleeved dress shirt. The air hit me hard, but did I turn around and go back in for a sweater? You guessed it. I suffered. That is, until my lunch when I opted to grab a light sweater.
This evening I have sat in my apartment, after going to a 99 cent movie with a friend, and looked at the overwhelming mess that is my life. With a long weekend ahead, I have big plans to get everything sorted out and projects finished. Considering it is 3:30 a.m. as I write this, we'll see what happens. I have a tendency to stay up super late on Friday nights and sleep most of my Saturday away. A habit, I must admit, I enjoy thoroughly. On that note, I think my bed is calling my name. Until next time, I'm going to keep trucking on between life and laundry. Hmm...speaking of laundry, I think I'll add that to this weekend's list. Oh the exciting life I lead.