Today I woke up to snow. Yes, you read that correctly, s-n-o-w! It's the middle of April for God's sake. Snow on the ground, and snow in the air, still coming down. The last few days have been getting chilly and have been filled with roaring winds. This week hasn't been the great week I'd hoped it would be, but today just takes the cake. I do know, however, that whether or not this snow was put here just me, it has served as a great reminder this morning.
Click the link to this video. It was narrated by Heather Gilion. Her family attended my church growing up and her and her older sister Holly recently wrote a book about their own heartaches and sorrows as the Lord chose to take both of their husbands and father all in the same year. Knowing her story makes this video even more special. For me, the video has replayed over and over in my head over the past couple weeks. Watch, and then I'll explain.
http://vimeo.com/20286907
Even though there will be wintry seasons, or even just days, God is always going to make things new.
This week has been one of running around and working too many hours. In the midst of the craziness I found time last night to finally relax. Instead of enjoying myself though, my mind was filled with all the things I don't have, what season of life I'm not in, and how I'm never going to get there.
"Life's like an hour glass glued to the table," lyrics I'm sure you've all heard. I have one of those hour glass timers sitting on my coffee table. Most days I don't even turn it over. It just sits there, all the sand just resting at the bottom. I felt like that sand last night. Not that my time has all run out, but that here I am, just sitting, waiting for God to pick me up and let my life start. When do you feel like your life has really begun? I guess it's different for everyone. It probably depends on what your passions are, what your desires are out of life. Right now I don't feel like my life is going anywhere. I watch as others experience great joys and adventures, and I am jealous. I don't want to be like this. I want to know that I am where I should be and that my life does matter. That every part of my life matters. I'm sure eventually I will see that this part of my life was necessary for the big picture.
I have mixed views of life, I sometimes focus too much on the big picture, and find myself longing for a new day in a new place with a new life. Other times I focus too much on the here and now and find myself depressed at what that means.
When I was writing in my journal this morning I went to the page and found four pages of random writings from back in November. I skipped over them briefly to finish the thoughts of the day. I turned back and began reading. I often read back a ways just to see how far I've come or to make fun of the childish thoughts I once had. Today was not what I expected though. The words written, two pages in poem form and one in a letter of ramblings, left me feeling small and kind of ashamed. The feelings expressed were exactly what I had felt last night and even as I awoke this morning. Have I not grown at all in the last five months? Am I seriously still obsessing over the same issues and focusing on the things I do not have? I am. I am sad to say that I am. How do you move forward? How do you get over things that have been a part of your thought process or dreams for so long?
The snow this morning reminded me of what I already knew and forgot. Winter can show up at any time, storms can crash your picnic and hail will dent your car, but there is always a new day. Last night I thought about that as I washed away my sorrows with the Disney Channel (no making fun, those shows are so korny they always provide a good laugh), "tomorrow is a new day," and I woke up to snow. This new day was not a new one, but a re-run of an old one. A re-run of the past. Note: Another reminder, the new day may not always be better than yesterday, but there is always tomorrow, and God makes all things new, we just have to ask sometimes.
James 1:2-6
Count it all joy my brothers when you endure trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. Perservearance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault. But let him ask in faith without doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Renewed!
Hello World! A burst of energy hit me last weekend. A renewed strength came after a women's retreat to Village Creek Bible Camp. The weather was amazing for the first time since November and time seemed to stop as I found myself relaxing on a porch swing in the sun with two great friends. Later more friends joined as we lay blankets out on the grass and bathed in the warmth of the afternoon sun. An amazing moment of peace and joy.
I've had a lot of moments like that in the last week or so. The warm air has brought big smiles as I breathe in the subtle hint of summer. Storms are my favorite, and although they have yet to arrive in this part of the state, I am enjoying the high winds that howl through my screens and knock my shades against the window pane. Unfortunately a lack of windows in my bedroom keeps me from falling asleep to the cool breeze like I've managed to do all my life. I may sleep out on my couch one of these nights just to taste the memories.
Winter is gone and spring has arrived. I think I may have gotten my first sunburn today. I spent time once again on a blanket in the sun. I think my freckles have begun to pop, a trait my mom loves and I once despised. Summer is my favorite season and always has been. I could sit in the sun all day long if I were allowed. I can remember spending two weeks of the summer at my grandma's house. She had a pool at one house, and later moved to a lake. I get my sun-loving nature from her I guess. In her upper 70s and she still ventures down the back hill to the dock and makes her way in the water for a little exercise. I'm not sure I've ever seen my grandpa swim now that I think about it. A boat and fishing pole is all he needs for pleasure.
My other grandparents always had adventures right in their back yard. Tamed turkeys, chicken eggs for collecting and all the hiding spots a kid could want. I miss the days of searching out treasures under tarps and in sheds. My grandpa Duren is quite the character in his overalls and worn out Popeye t-shirts. My grandma was lovely too, making the best red velvet cake to match the many red heads running around the house.
Childhood is something we long to get over, and when we actually reach adulthood, we're screaming and kicking to turn back the clock. When I am outside, whether on hot summer days by the lake or breezy nights by the bonfire, childhood doesn't seem so far away. There are still fireflies and a sky so big. The stars are still a mystery to me as they shine bright, twinkle, and scatter across the big dark canvas God has created. Needless to say, I am over my winter blues and am back to my old self. Clean, renewed, restrengthened and really, really excited for what is in store.
Things I'm loving this week...
1. My new haircut. ( I don't to locks of love and chopped my hair off for the first time since 2006!)
2. Bbq's! the smell of grill should seriously be a cologne for men.
3. Being reminded that God is great and he sees me. Despite all that I am, he still loves me and makes all things new!
I've had a lot of moments like that in the last week or so. The warm air has brought big smiles as I breathe in the subtle hint of summer. Storms are my favorite, and although they have yet to arrive in this part of the state, I am enjoying the high winds that howl through my screens and knock my shades against the window pane. Unfortunately a lack of windows in my bedroom keeps me from falling asleep to the cool breeze like I've managed to do all my life. I may sleep out on my couch one of these nights just to taste the memories.
Winter is gone and spring has arrived. I think I may have gotten my first sunburn today. I spent time once again on a blanket in the sun. I think my freckles have begun to pop, a trait my mom loves and I once despised. Summer is my favorite season and always has been. I could sit in the sun all day long if I were allowed. I can remember spending two weeks of the summer at my grandma's house. She had a pool at one house, and later moved to a lake. I get my sun-loving nature from her I guess. In her upper 70s and she still ventures down the back hill to the dock and makes her way in the water for a little exercise. I'm not sure I've ever seen my grandpa swim now that I think about it. A boat and fishing pole is all he needs for pleasure.
My other grandparents always had adventures right in their back yard. Tamed turkeys, chicken eggs for collecting and all the hiding spots a kid could want. I miss the days of searching out treasures under tarps and in sheds. My grandpa Duren is quite the character in his overalls and worn out Popeye t-shirts. My grandma was lovely too, making the best red velvet cake to match the many red heads running around the house.
Childhood is something we long to get over, and when we actually reach adulthood, we're screaming and kicking to turn back the clock. When I am outside, whether on hot summer days by the lake or breezy nights by the bonfire, childhood doesn't seem so far away. There are still fireflies and a sky so big. The stars are still a mystery to me as they shine bright, twinkle, and scatter across the big dark canvas God has created. Needless to say, I am over my winter blues and am back to my old self. Clean, renewed, restrengthened and really, really excited for what is in store.
Things I'm loving this week...
1. My new haircut. ( I don't to locks of love and chopped my hair off for the first time since 2006!)
2. Bbq's! the smell of grill should seriously be a cologne for men.
3. Being reminded that God is great and he sees me. Despite all that I am, he still loves me and makes all things new!
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